[ It's when Bucky's back is turned that Sam nearly loses composure. That he stares at those shoulders, so familiar, and accepts the loaded gun Bucky's proverbially pressing into his hands. He sees the necessity. He knows exactly why Bucky's asking this of him.
It doesn't mean it's not breaking Sam. And for a moment his entire vision blurs as his eyes swim with tears he's struggling not to shed. Just like it was when Rhodey left the Smithsonian. Just like it was when he sat alone with Steve's bloodied shield - before it became Sam's shield, really and truly. Sam feels that pain and swallows it down.
Hopes that Bucky will forgive him.
Isn't sure he'll ever forgive himself.
And so he repeats, keeping the pain out of his voice. Makes himself sure and steadfast. Hopes that this is the only time he will ever have to inflict this upon Bucky, and isn't even sure they can both recover from even just once. ]
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It doesn't mean it's not breaking Sam. And for a moment his entire vision blurs as his eyes swim with tears he's struggling not to shed. Just like it was when Rhodey left the Smithsonian. Just like it was when he sat alone with Steve's bloodied shield - before it became Sam's shield, really and truly. Sam feels that pain and swallows it down.
Hopes that Bucky will forgive him.
Isn't sure he'll ever forgive himself.
And so he repeats, keeping the pain out of his voice. Makes himself sure and steadfast. Hopes that this is the only time he will ever have to inflict this upon Bucky, and isn't even sure they can both recover from even just once. ]
Zhelaniye.
Semnadtsatʹ.
Rzhavyy.