[ It's when Bucky's back is turned that Sam nearly loses composure. That he stares at those shoulders, so familiar, and accepts the loaded gun Bucky's proverbially pressing into his hands. He sees the necessity. He knows exactly why Bucky's asking this of him.
It doesn't mean it's not breaking Sam. And for a moment his entire vision blurs as his eyes swim with tears he's struggling not to shed. Just like it was when Rhodey left the Smithsonian. Just like it was when he sat alone with Steve's bloodied shield - before it became Sam's shield, really and truly. Sam feels that pain and swallows it down.
Hopes that Bucky will forgive him.
Isn't sure he'll ever forgive himself.
And so he repeats, keeping the pain out of his voice. Makes himself sure and steadfast. Hopes that this is the only time he will ever have to inflict this upon Bucky, and isn't even sure they can both recover from even just once. ]
[He's trying. He really is. But when the first word slips out of Sam's mouth, he can't help the flinch that accompanies it. Can't help the way his breathing picks up immediately. A reaction to knowing just what will follow.
Sam won't use him. Won't force him to hurt somebody. To kill. The only orders that will come are the exact ones that they've already discussed. Ones to keep him away from others. And that-
That's what he fights to focus on. It's the one thought that keeps running through his mind. He trusts Sam completely. And this right here is only an extension of that trust.]
[His eyes are squeezed shut, hands curled in to fists as he fights to keep himself stood exactly where he is. As he forces himself not to turn tail and run straight out of there. He knows that Sam wouldn't stop him. Wouldn't look down on him for it. But he also knows that this needs to happen. There can't be another repeat of Scorpion's Bend.]
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It doesn't mean it's not breaking Sam. And for a moment his entire vision blurs as his eyes swim with tears he's struggling not to shed. Just like it was when Rhodey left the Smithsonian. Just like it was when he sat alone with Steve's bloodied shield - before it became Sam's shield, really and truly. Sam feels that pain and swallows it down.
Hopes that Bucky will forgive him.
Isn't sure he'll ever forgive himself.
And so he repeats, keeping the pain out of his voice. Makes himself sure and steadfast. Hopes that this is the only time he will ever have to inflict this upon Bucky, and isn't even sure they can both recover from even just once. ]
Zhelaniye.
Semnadtsatʹ.
Rzhavyy.
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Sam won't use him. Won't force him to hurt somebody. To kill. The only orders that will come are the exact ones that they've already discussed. Ones to keep him away from others. And that-
That's what he fights to focus on. It's the one thought that keeps running through his mind. He trusts Sam completely. And this right here is only an extension of that trust.]
Rass- Rassvet. Pechʹ. Devyatʹ. Dobrokachestvennyy.
[His eyes are squeezed shut, hands curled in to fists as he fights to keep himself stood exactly where he is. As he forces himself not to turn tail and run straight out of there. He knows that Sam wouldn't stop him. Wouldn't look down on him for it. But he also knows that this needs to happen. There can't be another repeat of Scorpion's Bend.]