unclesam | IC Inbox for duplicitynet

I tried to kill you.

[Multiple times. But he still remembers tearing a wing off of Sam's suit. Remembers letting him fall to his potential death without a care in the world. An obstacle in the way of him completing his mission, and nobody of consequence.

And yet here they are now, standing face to face with one another. Having a conversation that won't end in bloodshed. Even after breaking free from Hydra, this isn't a position he would've ever imagined for himself. And while his time in Wakanda had been therapeutic in its own right, even without Shuri's hard work, he hadn't really imagined a time in his life where he'd ever be safe to be around others again.]

I'm not him. Don't think I ever will be, here. [And while he knows Sam isn't expecting that from him, it's a point he needs to make clear. Needs to reiterate the fact that whatever relationship Sam had with the other him, they may never reach anything close to it while they're trapped in this city.]

You, Peggy, Steve. You three are the only people I've got. But I can't be the guy any of you remember. And I need to know that all of you can accept that. [Not just Sam.]

Yeah well. You failed that attempt spectacularly.

[ Suck it, Winter Soldier. But Sam keeps the quip soft. Knows that Bucky struggles more with that truth than Sam himself. ]

I know you know that it wasn't your fault, not really. I also know that don't change your guilt, 'cause you still remember doing it. We can get into that sometime, if you want and need that. As for the rest...

[ He leans back a little, lets the wall hold his weight and muses about it. The fact that he lost another partner, and that Bucky is right - that it's for good in many ways. It hurts in familiar ways - Sam is surrounded by his people here, but they're not his people, not a single one of them. Strange, ironically, comes closest. But the man isn't one of Sam's people in the ways Steve should be but chooses not to be, and the ways Bucky should be but can't be. It's lonely and isolating, but being stranded like that is painfully familiar, too. ]

I get you. [ His brows pull together in thought, but his expression stays carefully impassive. ] You know you got no obligation to me, right? I've sort of pushed on you, but it ain't 'cause of who you're not. It ain't 'cause I'm tryna recreate you and me from back home. We don't have to be anything. You're right - you don't know me. And you're not obligated to change that. To me it's a no-brainer - accepting that you're you, not the guy at home. I know I didn't shift gears fast enough at first, and if that made you feel like less at any point, I'm sorry. But I don't expect you to be him, and I made my peace with that - and that means I don't expect you to be my friend or my partner or my anything. It ain't about me - I'm not really anybody to you, and I don't gotta be. I can be someone to you, if you want that. But if you don't, well... you don't owe me like that, y'know.

[He could push back on that. Could point out how, if he hadn't given up so easily, Hydra would have never gotten their claws in him. That they wouldn't have been able to weaponize him if he'd fought a little harder. But he already knows how well that conversation would go. Knows, despite his lack of history with Sam, that the other man would fight him to the end on that. And he doesn't need that kind of an argument right now. Not when he also knows that he's just as incapable of changing Sam's mind as Sam would be in changing his.

So instead, he just lets out a soft huff of air, his attention back on his surroundings once again. Flicking briefly towards the all too familiar shield in the corner. An answer to a question of why Sam just called them partners. And a reminder of what drew the two of them together in the first place.]

We had sex. Pretty sure that makes us something.

[And not just because of their actions. The only reason the three of them had ended up in that cave was because they'd been having their lunch together. Was because they had chosen to spend that time with one another. If that isn't the basis of a friendship, he doesn't know what is.]

Even without that, you're still the man who gave up everything to help the guy who tried to kill you. Think that counts for something.

Hate to be the one to tell you, Bucky, but sex in this place don't exactly mean anything to most people.

[ There's something in Sam that closes off at the topic veers here. Not unkindly. There's no guilt or shame or anger reading off him. it's more like he tucks himself further back into himself.

Steve and him had sex, too, and that didn't matter for anything but the hurt Sam carries with him now.

Sam pushes away from the wall, moves closer to Bucky. As if he's instinctively trying to non-verbally communicate that his reaction has nothing to do with the man in the room with him. Tries to push past the need to lick his own wounds to seek Bucky's eyes instead. ]

I know loss of agency is a difficult thing even for people who have less shit to carry than you, and first time being pushed to sex by the city is a lot. You good?

Guess that means I ain't most people.

[Big surprise there. But it's one part of him that hasn't changed despite all the years. Sure, actual relationships might not be on the cards here. But even before the war, when dating was a normal part of life for him, he hadn't been the kind of play around. Hadn't ever taken it lightly when a dame had taken him back to her bed. And a lifetime under Hydra's thumb hasn't changed that.

With Sam closing the space between them, Bucky has to fight the instinct to back away. To put that space back between them again. He's at a tactical disadvantage, sure. But this is Sam. He can trust him.]

I don't hold what happened against you. [Against either of them.] This city wanted to screw with us. But you and Peggy- You kept me from heading off and hurting someone. I ain't happy about the reasons it happened, but I'm good with it being you.

[ Surprise flicks across Sam's face briefly at Bucky's first statement. it's quickly followed by something akin to relief. Like he expected Bucky to ignore what happened - or keep his distance over that as much as anything else.

Like he didn't actually expect Bucky to acknowledge what happened, much less that it meant something, no matter how undefined.

And then a moment later, he shifts back a little, puts that distance between himself and Bucky that he can feel the man needing. It radiates off him - Sam's worked with enough veterans to know the signs. Allows the gap, and lets it stand implicit that Bucky's welcome to bridge it at his own discretion. ]

Alright. That's good. [ Sam sighs, rubs his hand over his face. Smiles, wry. ] You ain't half bad for an old man, y'know.

Had a lot of practice.

[Though as the words are aired, he can't help but grimace at them. That really didn't come out the way he meant it.

But before he can dwell on it for too long, Bucky finally heads over to toe at the edge of the shield. To slip his fingers through the leather fastenings as he hefts the familiar weapon up. There's a question in his expression. Curiosity mixed with something else. And as he looks down the red, white, and blue staring back at him, he can already feel a few of the answers slipping in to place.]

...is he dead?

[Because going for the worst option has to come first. Head that one off before Sam has a chance to try and soften the blow. Does Sam have the shield because Steve is gone?]

[ Sam watches, face carefully impassive. The shield has been a point of contention between himself and Bucky, and he wonders how that's gonna shape up in this place. Especially with Steve also present. Sam doesn't expect them to recognize him as Cap, but hasn't examined his feelings about that just yet. ]

He retired.

[ It's not a no - but it means this was a choice, and it wasn't a battlefield tragedy. It implies something softer and more peaceful. ]

You can ask, y'know. Anything you'd like.

[His fingers tighten briefly in the straps, the leather creaking slightly in the moment before he realizes what he's doing. But despite his reaction, there isn't any hostility in his expression as he looks up. If Steve was finally ready to give up the shield, there really isn't anybody better he could think of to take it.

Which is why he lets it drop, grabbing ahold of the metal edge instead. Why, with a half smile, he holds it back out towards Sam. To the man it belongs to. Who earned that right.]

So we're partners, huh?

[Quite why he wouldn't have retired alongside Steve, he doesn't know. But if Sam's wielding the shield now, he's not entirely against the idea of staying in the fight just a little bit longer.]

Tell me you don't wear spandex.

Yeah. As of very recently before I got here. Took us a minute.

[ It's awfully familiar, this scene. Reminds him of a different Bucky, a different time, a different context. Funny, how this mirrors that moment, and yet is so different. He returns the half smile, takes the shield on his arm for a moment, feels the weight of it that's become so familiar to him by now. Looks down at it, and then sets it on the bed. Instead, he reaches for the Wakandan case, uses his thumb to unlock it, and opens the lid to reveal the suit inside. ]

World ain't ready for me in spandex.

[ He throws Bucky a look at that, a little cocky, a little teasing. Bucky's well aware of Sam's thighs and ass by now, and what spandex would do stretched over them and Sam's chest - but really, the joke's not necessarily meant to be that kind of cheeky right now. ]

This is nicer, though.

[ White, blue and red weave with light built in tac gear, expertly crafted, and a slim silver wingpack that has the very particular gleam of vibranium to it. ]

You wanna know more about all this or nah?

Edited 2022-09-11 19:39 (UTC)

[The draw of seeing what's inside is too much to ignore. And so, Bucky moves to join Sam by the case, finding a certain level of comfort in the familiar line of warmth at his side. But he doesn't take the time to process that. To figure out just why that is. Not with the splash of color that's been unveiled in front of them.

He doesn't ask permission before reaching out to brush his fingers across the white star emblazoned across the chest. Though he does give Sam a curious look at the all too familiar shine of metal. At the aura that he can't quite understand, no matter how many times that Shuri had tried to explain it to him. Something that hints at the hidden power of the material inside.]

Vibranium.

[A muttered comment, before he's snatching his hand back. Taking in the offer that Sam's made and instead giving a shrug in return. There's something else he wants to ask first.]

You gonna show me how it looks, Cap?

[ There's a small sound, just a miniscule hitching of Sam's breath. Enough to give his surprise away to a super soldier's hearing, though. He glances at Bucky, for a moment unable to mask the surprise clearly visible in his eyes. He didn't expect to hear that from this Bucky. Cap. And it eases a worry he'd nurtured without realizing, a fight he'd been braced for and wasn't sure he could handle having a second time all over again.

So he breathes out, slow and deep. The set of his shoulders relaxes, and then he ducks his face down a little, bashful smile playing on his lips. ]

Oh, that's how it's gonna be, huh.

[ Lightly nudges Bucky's elbow with his. Flashes him a quick smile that holds gratitude.

And sure, why not do some late night dress up. If Bucky wants to see Captain America suited up, Sam's happy to oblige. Suits up. Keeps the wings tucked in for starters though, so Bucky can get a look at the suit by itself first, and places the shield where it belongs - over the wingpack on his back, so Bucky can have a look at the entire getup assembled. ]

[Despite the fact that they've both seen each other naked already, Bucky still turns to give Sam some semblance of privacy as he gets ready. It gives him a chance to go back to snooping around the room. To look at the meagre supplies that Sam's amassed during his time here. One line on their throat...

But then he picks up on the sound of the shield being lifted again, and Bucky turns to face Sam once more.

And freezes solidly, for a good few seconds.

Eventually, forcing himself to move again, Bucky takes a closer look. Lets his gaze travel from Sam's face, down to his feet, and back up again. When he steps closer, his eyes flick briefly to Sam's own, his expression a mix between awe and melancholy. The suit is a reminder of the space between them. But that doesn't detract from the fact that Sam's earned the title he's inherited.]

Suits you.

[The costume, sure. But the name, even more so.]

[ Same soft, bashful quirk of Sam's lips, but he keeps his eyes on Bucky. Lets himself be inspected head to toe like this, let's himself be seen. Feels more naked than he did when the two of them and Peggy stripped each other and couldn't stop touching. Perhaps it's because Sam feels comfortable in his own skin. Existing in his skin and the suit is different, because he knows what that means on so many levels, both in the good and the bad. And being under the scrutiny of someone to whom this means a lot on so many different levels... ]

There's also...

[ Bucky knows Sam's old wings. The grey carbonfiber prototype ones that Sam needed to have his arms in to maneuver, that Bucky snapped off with terrifying ease. He also knows the slightly upgraded Stark Tech model that Sam had when, from Bucky's perspective, they saw each other last. The thick, heavy wingpacks with thrusters on both.

It's an insane difference to the new vibranium wings now unfurling from the slim silver case on his back. Bigger than his old wings, yet somehow looking more delicate all the same, and curving slightly to automatically accommodate the given space in the room. ]

You kept the wings.

[The words are warm, despite the slight tease to them. Sam's skill with the Falcon wings are second to none. So it makes sense that he keeps them now. That a part of his past follows him in to his future. That he takes "Captain America" and turns him in to his own. Claims the role to use as he sees fit. And with a set of wings like that, well...

The claim is definitely going to stick.]

Tomorrow. You're gonna have to show me what you can do.

[With the wings. The shield. The suit. If he's going to watch Sam's six here, he needs to know what he's got to work with. They need to figure out a way to fit together until the day Bucky's finally able to catch back up.]

[ He'll tell him, one day. About Walker. About the Falcon wings being ripped out. About how he couldn't even fathom keeping and fixing them after that, not when it felt like a violation he's not sure he can put into words. About how if not for Bucky, Sam's not sure he'd have gotten a new set of wings at all. It's not a conversation for right now, though.

For now, Sam smiles up at Bucky, faced framed beautifully by the white cowl, warm eyes semi-hidden behind the red tint of the goggles. ]

I'd love to. You can come pick me up after work, and I'll give you a show.

[ For now, he pulls the goggles back off his face, gives Bucky a searching look for a moment, then gestures at the space around him. He can feel tiredness tugging on him, and has to stifle a yawn, but he's not about to ask Bucky to leave to either spend the night outside or brave a room mate who's a stranger to him. ]

Stay. Ain't nobody else here but us anyway. You can be creepy and watch me sleep, and just... hang around, y'know.

[ Perhaps get some rest, even if Sam suspects sleep might not be in the cards. ]

Edited 2022-09-11 21:27 (UTC)

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