unclesam | IC Inbox for duplicitynet

[ At this point in the day, Sam's faring better than he will be later. Definitely knows something's in his system, feels mildly feverish, but nothing too bad yet. The worst, as it were, will definitely later. ]

He with you? Yeah, 'course can update him. Feel free to oversell how well I handled the brawl. Buck don't need to know Captain America's not mowing down these assholes by the dozen.

[ There's the sound of rustling - Sam's on his bed, shifting. Starting to get a little restless but still working through it. ]

Yeah - she's good. Daisy and I were on our way to work. Already checked in with her.

[ Yeah, he's not quite aware of how addled his brain is already, else he wouldn't load the nicknames into this conversation. ]

We split up a while ago to cover more ground, but I'll let him know.

[ Which is easy to do since he can just send him a text, silent for a moment as he tries to do that as well as listen to everything else Sam has to say. There's still a sense of 'not his place' lingering just around the edges, but he's determined to fix this between them. Whatever they have to work through, he's just going to swallow it and push forward.

He has to. ]

What about you? Is there anything I can do?

[ He's already planning to check in with Peggy, and as far as that nickname goes, he isn't going to address that quite yet. He figures it must be something they gave him. ]

[ Sam bites back something sharp. He's good at this, he reminds himself. Keep his hurt and anger under wraps, stay civil if short with people no matter how he feels about them. And for all that Steve's cut him deep, they were friends long enough for Sam not to snap. ]

I'm good.

[ It would be cathartic, perhaps, to say that the question, the offer, comes months too late. But that's not the kind of person Sam is. Far from a doormat, he has other way of doubling down on his boundaries - and keeping his vulnerabilities under lock and key is paramount to that. Compassion's easy even when Sam's not feeling charitable about someone. Compassion is what Sam offers anyone. It's a baseline of things people deserve. Besides - he knows what's freed up some of Steve's time when before he was too busy to talk by his own account. ]

Are you? I know you lost a sub.

[ It doesn't feel like progress at all, but he just has to take it for what it is.

Rather than say anything, he nods like Sam can see it. Like Sam knows he'll continue to offer help that he won't want or might refuse because he hasn't been around to give it when he should have. Too late, always, and there's something about that question that sits hard with him. Never able to do enough, never able to do the right thing even when he thinks he's doing something for the right reasons. ]

I'm good. [ The words are soft. ] Most places are better than here, right?

[ The pause that follows is a bit awkward. ] I can stop by later if you want. See how you're doing then.

What, you don't find this place charming? It's a blast here.

[ Getting smacked around by monsters, being a second class citizen at best - it's practically home.

But that's probably the rising irritability due to his rising fever speaking. Gallows humor is occasionally necessary. ]

Steve...

[ He cuts himself off on a sigh. Remembers the way Steve clung when grieving Bucky. Sees the way Steve wants to cling now, after Loki. Lets himself feel the lack of interest in the interim. Swallows. ]

You don't gotta worry. I'm good. I've been good.

[ There's the slightest and amused sort of scoff at that question. At least that's something they can agree on, though he wishes it didn't have to be like this. Of all the universes out there, why this one? But before he can say anything, he knows the kind of weight his name carries when spoken like that.

His expression thins. ]

I think that means I should probably worry a little more. [ In their line of work, it's natural to be stubborn. He's also learned – probably too late – that it means he should try to do what he can when he's told the opposite. ] I mean it, Sam. If you need anything –

[ Maybe it doesn't mean much anymore, but he says it anyway. ] I'm here.

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