[ Sam huffs a sound that could have been laugh and died somewhere bitter on the way. He looks away for a moment, blinking a few times, mouth twisting. Shit, but it stings. All of it stings and hurts and weighs on him in places he can't quite figure out, and doesn't necessarily want to discuss. And without offense to Tony, but Sam doesn't like falling apart on anyone at the best of times. ]
I... don't even know.
[ He reaches out. Drops his hands down for a moment, then sighs and takes the shield from Tony. Holds it a bit like it's about to burn him. Nobody has asked him - it feels like everyone is just telling him. The Avengers are scattering to the winds - Thor is leaving for New Asgard and then for space to find himself. Bruce said something about an island. Clint wants to give retirement another go. Wanda is grieving. Rhodey is kinda done, too. There's a whole bunch of people Sam has never seen before the battle, and they all have their own shit to deal with back in space, or other places in the world. Tony... is hurt, and technically retired, too. The Spider Child is gonna go back to being a Spider Child, one would hope.
Where does that leave Sam, other than burdened? He looks down at the shield. ]
I think Ross is still itching to throw me in prison. [ A beat, Tony's words slowly thinking in, and Sam looks startled, as if it hadn't quite settled on him that having the shield thrust upon him meant people expected him to take up the title, too. ] Wait... what?
Well... [ Tony hesitates like he's not quite sure why he's explaining this. ] Cap- [ He chuckles, shakes his head a bit sadly, like he accidentally said is instead of was, before continuing. ] Sorry, Steve. [ He lets the name sink in for himself a bit. This would absolutely be weird for a while, sure, but- Sam is pretty good at what he does. ] He clearly thinks you're the right man for the job. [ With a gesture at the shield Sam is barely holding: ] That's why he gave you that.
[ A beat. ] And I've done a lot of arguing with the guy over the years. So. [ Another beat. ] The fact that I'm not fighting this decision means I think he's actually making a good call. [ Punctuated by a shrugged shoulder. ]
Either way, none of us are gonna let Ross just- Arrest you two. [ Sam obviously doesn't deserve it. Bucky doesn't really deserve that either, though admittedly the legality of letting him walk free is... Dicier. But that's a clear point of stress, for them both, so Tony's not exactly raring to bring up the details. ]
[ No, Sam gets that. Weirdly, he wants someone to stop backing this, though. For a moment, Sam looks like he's been slapped, a mixture of utter bewilderment and mild offense. Why is everyone so on board with this? Why is nobody saying 'oh, yikes, maybe not'?
He doesn't quite know hot to wrap his tongue around the words that want to spill out of him, so he swallows them instead. Turns the barbed wire inside instead of lashing out, because why the fuck are these three white men telling him this is his job now? Why is nobody asking him what he wants?
Why did Steve say good-bye to Bucky, but left Sam hanging without a warning only to give him a job, not even to give him a choice?
Sam takes a slow breath, and tries to wipe all that off his features. To adopt the carefully neutral facade he's gotten so good at. If Tony's paid attention, this might be familiar. Sam can be jovial, can be visibly annoyed, can be impassioned - but rarely does he look devastated, sad, or anything in that realm. Too good at locking himself behind a wall. Many of the Avengers tick like that. ]
I need to be able to go home without Ross breathing down my neck. I haven't seen my sister and my nephews in two... [ Sam stops himself. No, that's not right. ] ... in seven years.
[ And there is so much else to think about. So much to fix, so much to work out. ]
However they want to legally deal with Bucky, put me on the hook for it. I'll take personal responsibility, if my name still holds any goodwill at all.
[ He looks away for a moment, debates if he should... but he should. They never got the chance to... Sam takes a step closer, drops his voice. ]
And I'm sorry, Tony. For what it's worth, I wouldn't have sent you after them back then if I'd known.
[ That was a secret Steve kept on Bucky's behalf - a choice Sam disagreed with. For as much as Steve and him were often of a similar mind and a similar moral horizon... that one, they'd have argued over if Sam had been aware. Which likely is exactly why not even he had known. And it's not that he thinks Bucky deserves punishment for things he wasn't in control of - but it's that Tony deserved to know, regardless of whether anyone could foresee the knowledge being weaponized.
Anyway - personal accountability. He believes in that. The words are seven years too late, and on the grand scheme of things, Sam's not the one who fucked anyone else over that badly here. But still. ]
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[ Sam huffs a sound that could have been laugh and died somewhere bitter on the way. He looks away for a moment, blinking a few times, mouth twisting. Shit, but it stings. All of it stings and hurts and weighs on him in places he can't quite figure out, and doesn't necessarily want to discuss. And without offense to Tony, but Sam doesn't like falling apart on anyone at the best of times. ]
I... don't even know.
[ He reaches out. Drops his hands down for a moment, then sighs and takes the shield from Tony. Holds it a bit like it's about to burn him. Nobody has asked him - it feels like everyone is just telling him. The Avengers are scattering to the winds - Thor is leaving for New Asgard and then for space to find himself. Bruce said something about an island. Clint wants to give retirement another go. Wanda is grieving. Rhodey is kinda done, too. There's a whole bunch of people Sam has never seen before the battle, and they all have their own shit to deal with back in space, or other places in the world. Tony... is hurt, and technically retired, too. The Spider Child is gonna go back to being a Spider Child, one would hope.
Where does that leave Sam, other than burdened? He looks down at the shield. ]
I think Ross is still itching to throw me in prison. [ A beat, Tony's words slowly thinking in, and Sam looks startled, as if it hadn't quite settled on him that having the shield thrust upon him meant people expected him to take up the title, too. ] Wait... what?
no subject
[ A beat. ] And I've done a lot of arguing with the guy over the years. So. [ Another beat. ] The fact that I'm not fighting this decision means I think he's actually making a good call. [ Punctuated by a shrugged shoulder. ]
Either way, none of us are gonna let Ross just- Arrest you two. [ Sam obviously doesn't deserve it. Bucky doesn't really deserve that either, though admittedly the legality of letting him walk free is... Dicier. But that's a clear point of stress, for them both, so Tony's not exactly raring to bring up the details. ]
no subject
He doesn't quite know hot to wrap his tongue around the words that want to spill out of him, so he swallows them instead. Turns the barbed wire inside instead of lashing out, because why the fuck are these three white men telling him this is his job now? Why is nobody asking him what he wants?
Why did Steve say good-bye to Bucky, but left Sam hanging without a warning only to give him a job, not even to give him a choice?
Sam takes a slow breath, and tries to wipe all that off his features. To adopt the carefully neutral facade he's gotten so good at. If Tony's paid attention, this might be familiar. Sam can be jovial, can be visibly annoyed, can be impassioned - but rarely does he look devastated, sad, or anything in that realm. Too good at locking himself behind a wall. Many of the Avengers tick like that. ]
I need to be able to go home without Ross breathing down my neck. I haven't seen my sister and my nephews in two... [ Sam stops himself. No, that's not right. ] ... in seven years.
[ And there is so much else to think about. So much to fix, so much to work out. ]
However they want to legally deal with Bucky, put me on the hook for it. I'll take personal responsibility, if my name still holds any goodwill at all.
[ He looks away for a moment, debates if he should... but he should. They never got the chance to... Sam takes a step closer, drops his voice. ]
And I'm sorry, Tony. For what it's worth, I wouldn't have sent you after them back then if I'd known.
[ That was a secret Steve kept on Bucky's behalf - a choice Sam disagreed with. For as much as Steve and him were often of a similar mind and a similar moral horizon... that one, they'd have argued over if Sam had been aware. Which likely is exactly why not even he had known. And it's not that he thinks Bucky deserves punishment for things he wasn't in control of - but it's that Tony deserved to know, regardless of whether anyone could foresee the knowledge being weaponized.
Anyway - personal accountability. He believes in that. The words are seven years too late, and on the grand scheme of things, Sam's not the one who fucked anyone else over that badly here. But still. ]