[ He doesn't reply for a moment, just feels at that wound. More people lost, people he'd considered himself close to. People he'd cared about. He's trying to gauge the level of pain he's pretending not to be in here. ]
thanks tasha, I appreciate it
now, circling back to airing out rooms
do you think if I recruit bucky to join me in giving winchester a shovel talk it'll still be funny or actually fuck the man up?
jesus nat, I'm a bit of a dick for comedic purposes, not a full on asshole.
[ He meant what he said. And he's glad she's having fun- overprotective instincts of an older brother aside.
But... ]
I mean when we go, prematurely or when finishing our job, we won't remember ever having been here. the time we got here is all the time we get with... whatever it is we're doing. fun. friends. family.
[ It's been rotating in his mind, a thought slowly circling the drain. Even when he's happy. Even when he should be in the here and now, just existing and just being glad about everything he's gained. But he cannot help it - to be the person who looks to the future and tries to stare inevitability into submission. ]
we do
[ he doesn't write more for a while. And then: ]
I think I might change that. not remembering, I mean.
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nah, just. how're things in the infirmary? 'cause without mccoy here... I mean, if they need me, I'm ditching the energizer bunny.
[ Someone's feeling a bit bad for taking time off and enjoying himself. ]
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I'll let you know if they need help in there.
As far as I know, there's no rush. I think they'll be okay for a while.
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thanks tasha, I appreciate it
now, circling back to airing out rooms
do you think if I recruit bucky to join me in giving winchester a shovel talk it'll still be funny or actually fuck the man up?
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we ain't playing coy here, right?
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But there's nothing to play coy about.
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But I'm not looking for anything serious.
So I'm not going to find anything serious.
Nothing to talk about.
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[ It's not how he's worked for a long time. It's been long years of no one before Bucky. But that said, he does understand it. ]
I'll find a better angle for teasing you 'bout this
and hey on the upside, we ain't gonna remember any of this anyway.
[ It's a downside, unquestionably so. At least for Sam, on all fronts possible. ]
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[A pause then, a little unsure about that last line. If she shoudl respond to it at all, really.
But after a slight hesitation, she does ask.]
How do you mean?
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[ He meant what he said. And he's glad she's having fun- overprotective instincts of an older brother aside.
But... ]
I mean when we go, prematurely or when finishing our job, we won't remember ever having been here. the time we got here is all the time we get with... whatever it is we're doing. fun. friends. family.
[ Lovers. ]
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They were having fun, and she has no intention of dragging down Sam's good mood. One which he absolutely deserves.]
Not a problem I've thought much about. It's fine.
We have this now.
And you should be enjoying it.
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we do
[ he doesn't write more for a while. And then: ]
I think I might change that. not remembering, I mean.
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well
not like a plan. just an idea. I don't know if it's even possible, and I don't know that I'd be willing to pay a price
but if I could, I'd want to remember all of this. everything with bucky. the extra time with you. yelena. everything we've experienced here.
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That kind of bargain doesn't come cheap.